04:44, 31/05/2006

Insomniac's boyfriend

So I'm unable to sleep, and was thinking about my last posting, and why I don't feel motivated to dress up right now.

(Not that I feel bad or apologetic or anything - perhaps some of you misinterpreted my tone there.)

And I had to agree with the reason I gave before: that the creative will has to be there for me to dress.

And when I dress myself up all pretty, and the illusion is successfully created, it can lead (like many creative acts) to the unfolding of many other diverse creative possibilities.

ie: Dressing up inspires me to be creative.

Wow. I'd never really pieced it together like that before.

So I started to look through my photostream for fragments of that spark and ended up putting together a set of 25 pics of myself that stimulate me the most. Hugely narcissistic, I know, but it made me feel again.

Which is important.

Look at this recent picture which I surprised myself by putting in the 25:

'dagger' - self-portrait, May 2006

I'd never really noticed this one before. It looks nothing special really. The subject's slightly out of focus. Tonally it's a bit messy and compositionally it's not all that. And it almost looks like I have a comb over...

But I've decided I like it immensely.

And not just because of the rather arch eyebrows.

There's something in the blankness of my face that makes me think that there's possibility in there; something yet to come - almost a new thought about to spring.

At the same time, there's age in the face. You can see the experience and signs of wear and tear in there.

It's a still point in my life, full of the past yet redolent of the future. It's even symbolically echoed in the darkness behind me, the light on my face.

Or maybe this is all meaningless to everyone except me. Perhaps these personal epiphanies are destined to be lost to all but the person who experiences them. (The "epiphanee"?)

Anyway, I think I look pretty in it.

I don't know. It's 5.30am now, the birds are singing and I have to get up soon to get to Shoreditch - we're moving office today.

Maybe I'll sleep tomorrow night. Or maybe I'll dress up.

You have been reading...

Insomniac's boyfriend

In /musings

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11:40, 28/05/2006

Worst. Tranny. Blogger. Ever

in the studio with DEATHLINE. Me (left), Jennie (right)

I'm now officially the worst tranny blogger ever. Official? OK, Self declared then, and that's official enough for me. If you gotta problem with that, see you in Strasbourg.

Let me give you some reasons:

I haven't dressed for almost two months. That's slightly less frequently than most Tory Shadow Cabinet ministers.
I haven't really written about trannying since, oooh, about 1876? And even I annoy myself with the frequency I'm writing about a certain Lord of Time.
I haven't checked my newsfeed for a month and a half. That's like being disconnected from the trannieblogsphere.
I've completely ballsed up going to Sparkle again. Actually I've bollocksed up that whole weekend, double booking a huge family event in Berkshire AND a friend's wedding in Provence. Which means I have to go to Gatwick at some ungoldly hour on Saturday 24th and fly back the next morning from Marseille. Not really time for a quick stop in Manchester.

And this is the worst one:

I splurged at MAC a couple of weeks ago and haven't worn any of it yet. I feel quite sick about that.

Actually I might have to do something about that soon.

MMM-MAC

Brainfull

Of course there's a reason for this all. I suppose I've sort of lost my tranny mojo, a bit like Siobhan related a few days ago.

For me, dressing is very predicated upon some sort of creative impulse. Becoming K is very much a creative act for me nowadays, in stark contrast to what I was like back in the day.

And I'm involved in so much creative stuff at the moment that I seem to have little space left for K.

For starters, my digital design and software development company is going from strength to strength at the moment - we're growing and are about to move into new, bigger premises.

And most excitingly, alongside the branding, design and web development work, we're starting to make good, real world money out of work in Second Life, which has hitherto been merely a time consuming recreation for me.

So that takes care of my left brain.

DEATHLINE

Meanwhile, the right brain is preoccupied with my new band, DEATHLINE.

Jennie and I have found an absolutely ace drummer, Karl, found some regular practice space, and have got some interesting talks going with agents and management. We're about to record our first proper demo soon. You can check out a rough (non vocal, non mastered, drum machine) demo at our MySpace.

And when we start gigging and going out properly, April is going to help us with some photos too, which is fab.

We're also doing a really interesting project with a mutual friend, Jo, who's just about to graduate from a Graphics BA at Central St. Martins. As her final project, she's doing our launch campaign - web, flyering, stickers, badges, t-shirts and other branded gear including , I hope thongs and camis, and our logos and photos.

It's a huge project and she's doing really well so far. More to come very soon.

The only fly in the ointment is that Jo's degree show opening is on 23rd June, where we were hoping to make a personal appearance and play a few songs. But I'm away in Berkshire. And Provence. And not at Sparkle. And certainly not in London.

See what I mean?

C-R-A-P!

That's me!

You have been reading...

Worst. Tranny. Blogger. Ever

In /music/deathline